10 Ways I Saved the World Today

1. Picked up litter:  

I forgot to bring a bag downstairs to pick up Toby’s crap this morning. So I simply caught one flying by in the air while I had one hand on Toby’s leash and the other on the stroller. Double win: didn’t have to shamefully flee the dogshit on sidewalk AND disposed of urban detritus.

2. Removed hazardous waste:

While weeding out the diaper bag I unearthed a wadded-up poopy blow-out outfit from a few weekends ago (without even gagging!)  Get out of town Chernobyl, this radioactive waste site is history.

3. Saved water: 

Ben slept in until 7:45am! Did I wake up early, run, shower, drink my morning coffee, and get started working? Hell no, I did not. Instead, I sucked the sweet marrow from that succulent extra cut of sleep. Bonus: no shower = no wasted water. This one was too easy.

4. Used a “green” cleaning product:

Soaked the poop-stained strap on the changing table in a vinegar and water mixture,  effectively getting 90% of the stain out.  The best part? I didn’t even consult google. Gosh, I must be growing up. Happy tears.

5. Improved air quality:

Remembered to plug the dryer hose into the window before starting the dryer, effectively avoiding the usual occurrence of hot dry air spewing into Benjamin’s room whenever I do laundry.

6. Prevented bloodshed:

Went 3 for 10 clipping Ben’s fingernails while breastfeeding. His nails are like itty bitty Santoku knives. Cannot. Keep. Them. Short. forthelifeofme.

7. Stopped food waste:

Pawned off the half-gone bag of baby carrots sitting in the back of the fridge. I always buy carrots with the best intentions, but never, ever finish the whole bag. They go in the trash and I feel bad. Such a first-world problem. Now they are sitting in cute little ice-cube-sized pureed clumps in the freezer waiting for an unsuspecting 5-month-old victim.

8. Ended a 3-month war:

…with cradle cap. Yup, I gently scraped off the last little flaky bits of dead scalp with my own fingernails while he was caught in the tractor beam of Baby Einstein. Don’t worry I wiped up the pile of flakes and little bitty hairs and threw them away. Okay, too disgusting. Sorry.

9. Reduced noise pollution: 

Managed to have a cry-free two-hour stretch before morning nap. I cheated with an extra feeding. And I did a few blindfolded cartwheels while juggling baby rattles (like any good minion would). But hey, it worked.

10. Upcycled:

Successfully avoided Child Protective Services for another day by draping Ben in many blankets so he was properly “dressed” for our walk. Creatively used, outgrown baby blankets can replace a number of unnecessary winter clothing items.

…pretty badass, right?


I am the one who knocks.


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